Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Panties = found
Randomize
