There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
