i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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