If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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