you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
