Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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