My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
