he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
