You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
