Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We need to get me chipped asap
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
