you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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