it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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