I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
