I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
