I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
