Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
PANTIES FOUND
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
