I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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