I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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