And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
