did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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