i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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