dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
