Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
