a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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