forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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