love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
