oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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