yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
