I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
