he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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