I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
