Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
