I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
