I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
