I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
