it was like his penis was on wheels.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
