thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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