I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
