Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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