i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
