you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
my poor anus
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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