1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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