Apparently you make a good broom.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
