Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
