just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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