uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
