i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
