You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
