this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
