she was so not down for the gang bang
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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