Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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